Life with Derek

I feel awful I don't update as much as I would like :( Derek is now nearly 6 months old! He has been home almost twice as long as he was in the hospital. Things are going well!

Derek continues to amaze me. He rolled over for the first time yesterday. He smiles all the time. He occasionally chuckles. I don't update more because the little man has computer radar. The minute I even look at my computer he decides he needs my full and complete attention :) I really don't mind. He is such a pleasure to be around!

We went to the neurologist who said Derek looks "great". He will see him again in 6 months. I am looking forward to the warmer weather finally arriving so I can start taking walks with him. He loves to be outside.

I am going to upload a few photos later and add some more thoughts but like I said....the little man has computer radar and is now waking up from his nap :) 

Blessings

So annoyed just about finished with an update and somehow I lost it! I know I said I was going to update more and then I disappeared. My only excuse is that Derek came home on 02/04. He has been home 2 weeks and 2 days and we are loving every minute of it! I am just really loving being a "mommy" again. I have my older kids and I love being their mom too but there is something about taking care of a newborn that is special. Maybe its the sleep deprivation, LOL. I will post some pictures at the end of the blog.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. Life never goes quite exactly as you plan. It brings to mind the quote that goes something like "Life is what happens when you are busy making plans". Before I found out I was pregnant I had a plan. I was going to school part time earning a degree in communications/journalism. I had my job. I was looking forward to my older children becoming self sufficient and old enough to leave home alone so my husband and I could travel. Then came Derek and I feel so incredibly blessed. The good Lord or the Universe or whatever you believe in knew what I needed/wanted better than I did. I now can't imagine my life without Derek in it. I am glad everything happened the way it did. The difficult pregnancy and birth, the struggles in the NICU. It has made me appreciate the experience of new motherhood even more.

For those of you curious our little man is up to 5lbs 3.5oz and 17 1/2 inches long as of his last check up. He has an appointment with the eye doctor tomorrow. He sees his doctor for a check up on Thursday. Still waiting on an MRI 

I am still planning on getting that degree, it will just have to wait a little longer and I am so okay with that! For now I will be going back to work in a few weeks and taking care of the Peanut and that will take up the majority of my time. I am looking forward to all the milestones that Derek will be experiencing and sharing them here in this blog.

Sir Derek is now awake and very vocally letting me know he is hungry so pictures will have to wait but I promise to add them later this evening, maybe while I am watching the Oscars.

Where does the time go?

I cant believe my little boy is just over 6 weeks old and it has been almost three weeks since we lost my dad. I feel like such a slacker because I haven't updated in awhile. Life has been a little  crazy. We had my father's memorial service on Sunday. It was an incredible turn out. My father was such a wonderful man. I learned some things about him I did not know. For instance he was a deacon in the Church of the Ladder Day Saints. Who knew? He had a mouth like a sailor LOL! I also knew he had some lifelong friends but I had no idea how life long. One of his friends made a speech and said they had been friends since they were three years old. My dad was also a pack rat. He saved a receipt from  car repairs he had done in 1986 for a car he had not owned for several years, among other things. I loved him very much and am going to miss him more than words can say.

As for Derek, he is now up to 3lbs 4 oz. His oxygen has been decreased to 1/4 liter per minute and he hovers right around 30% oxygen. Yesterday they gave him a bottle for the 1st time and he did wonderful. He is now getting just over one ounce per feeding or ml's. We have signed up for a discharge class as the nurses have said he may come home sometime in the next three weeks.  I am anxiously awaiting the day we put him to bed in his nursery for the 1st time.

A new year with bittersweet victories

Its been over a week since my last entry and I am sorry about that. Between pumping breastmilk every three hours and visiting Derek finding the time to update is a challenge.

Since my last update Derek has gained more weight. He is now 2 lbs 7oz. They have taken his oxygen down to 1/4 liter per minute and he is using from 30-38% oxygen. He is eating well and making great strides. Last week we had a bit of a scare when Derek's stomach became distended but he has recovered nicely. I was able to give him a sponge bath for the first time. His dad and I have both been able to lift him up. We also took pictures of the snow that fell yesterday and blanketed the valley. I want to be able to show him pictures of his first snowfall. I am so proud of my little guy and can't wait to bring him home.

Unfortunately, some of Derek's milestones have nothing to do with his health or development. Derek at one month old has already lost someone important in his life. My father, Derek's grandpa, passed away on New Year's day. I am sorry that Derek will never get to know what a wonderful man his grandfather was. I know his siblings , cousins, aunts and uncles will help me tell Derek about his grandpa. In the meantime, Derek has another angel on his shoulder.

I will do my best to update a little more often. Happy new year!!

Derek's First Christmas

Yesterday Derek was 3 weeks old. Today he is celebrating his first Christmas. Where exactly does the time go? In one sense I am happy it is going so fast because I want him home with me. On the other hand that means I will be back at work that much sooner.

Haven't been to the hospital yet today which causes me great anxiety. I have been busy baking cookies for the NICU nurses. They are taking good care of my little one :) I will be VERY happy when I can drive myself again. I love my hubby and he has been wonderful but he can't seem to get himself up in the mornings. I can be up every 3 hours to pump and by 10am I am ready to get to the hospital to see Derek. It is a physical ache and I can honestly say I have experienced anxiety until this happened.

What's new for Derek? He has lost his umbilical cord stump, we were able to do Kangaroo Care, he is eating 20mls every 3 hours and as of last night he weighed 2lbs 1 oz. He is going in the right direction!

Merry Christmas from our family to yours! We truly have our Christmas miracle this year :)

Two weeks old today

It's hard to believe but Derek is two weeks old today! Time really does fly! Last night when we went to see him we got to hear him cry for the first time. That was very bittersweet. Hearing him cry means he is getting stronger but not being able to pick him up to comfort him was difficult. It was nice that when I put my hands on his head and his feet he calmed down almost instantly. He had some gas and that was why he was crying but to not pick him up was tough. 

Today they bumped him up to 14ml's of milk. 15 ml's is half an oz. so he is almost there. They are adding a fortifier to my milk and have discontinued his IV nutrition so they will be taking out his PICC line which is the only IV he has left. I know he will be happy to have his arm free from the arm board :) 

I am very happy my little angel is doing so well. I am lucky and I count my blessings every day. However, I do have moments where I feel cheated. My baby is still supposed to be in my belly. I should still be feeling him moving around in there. Randy never got to feel him kick. I don't dwell on these thoughts but I know its important to acknowledge them. I know that everything happens for a reason. While I don't know why this happened, for whatever reason my little peanut is growing better on the outside than he was on the inside.  He is my little miracle and I am grateful that we were able to get him delivered and he is getting such great care.

Here are a couple more photos:

Derek's Incredible Journey Into This World

Welcome to our blog. I say our blog because I am really doing this to document my son Derek's incredible, yet difficult, journey into this wonderful, crazy thing we call life. Some of you who are reading will know know me and know most of our story but for the purpose of this first post I am going to start at the beginning. Sorry if its too long, I promise not all of them will be this long. Thanks for reading!


My husband and I already had four children, the youngest of which are 13 year old twins. We were looking forward to being able to travel without the kids in a few years. I had an IUD in and never thought I would get pregnant this late in life. I am 39 years old after all. SURPRISE!! Right around Father's Day 2010 I realized I was feeling pregnant even though my period wasn't even really late yet. Sure enough a home pregnancy test confirmed my suspicions. At first I cried and then I laughed. Personally I was happy to have another addition to our family. However, I wasn't certain how the hubs would take it. Thankfully, he was over the moon as well!

Due to the fact I had the IUD in the pregnancy was high risk from the start. The IUD was removed and they made certain the embryo was where it was supposed to be. I breathed a sigh of relief and believed in my heart that all would be well. On the Fourth of July I started bleeding and I thought I was having a miscarriage. Fortunately, an ultrasound confirmed my baby's heart was still beating. I spent a few days on bed rest, followed up with my doctor and all appeared to be well. July 22nd found more bleeding and another ultrasound revealed a strong heartbeat. I was beginning  to understand what a little fighter my baby boy was. I had a feeling I was having a boy all along although not one ultrasound ever confirmed it for me. More bed rest and more follow up with my doctor and we were on our way again. 

For more than a month everything was good. On August 28th I again started bleeding.  The ultrasound showed an active baby with a beautiful beating heart. Another few days of bed rest and follow up visit to my doctor who recommended I also see a perinatologist, which is a doctor that specializes in high risk pregnancies. September 1st was the scariest ER visit yet. I was pretty sure I was losing amniotic fluid. I thought they would do another ultrasound to confirm my baby was alright but I was sent home and told to follow up with my doctor the next day. An ultrasound at my doctors office confirmed my self diagnosis. My membranes had ruptured, however, my little fighter was still going strong. I had never been so happy to hear that little freight train of a heartbeat. It amazes me how quickly as parents we fall in love with our little ones before we ever actually meet them. 

Later that week we followed up with the perinatologist who quickly earned the name Dr. Doom.  I had never met this man in my life and here he was advising me that my baby was going to die and there was no fluid, never mind the baby's strong heartbeat. He told me to come back in a week if I was still pregnant. Needless to say I left his office in tears. I was NOT ready, nor was I going to ever be ready to give up on my baby. Thankfully I had another appointment with my doctor the next day. He did an ultrasound and advised it looked like my fluid was trying to build itself back up. He put me on permanent bed rest and advised me to drink LOTS of water. I begged him not to have to back to Dr. Doom. He agreed to wait a few weeks to have me go back there. Each week I saw my doctor who monitored my fluid levels and checked for the baby's heartbeat. He asked me to return to the perinatologist after a few weeks, when my fluid had built back up some. Dr. Doom was surprised to see me but still less than optimistic. He kept telling me there were no guarantees.FYI even in a perfectly normal pregnancy there are no guarantees. 

As my pregnancy progressed I could tell my baby and I were confounding Dr. Doom who obviously did NOT believe in the power of positive thinking. Secretly it made me happy to know we had him on his toes. A few weeks before Derek was born at my 25 week check up it was determined that he had IUGR or IntraUterine Growth Restriction. He was smaller than he was supposed to be for his gestational age. They advised they would probably be delivering him early. I kept praying to get to at least 28 weeks. One more day and I would have been 29 weeks. 

I had an appointment with Dr. Doom on December 1st and during the exam he checked the umbilical blood flow several times. He finally got readings that he felt comfortable with and told me to come back the following Monday. Well, my little Sagittarius decided he couldn't wait that long. I started bleeding again on the morning of Friday December 3rd, 2010. By the time we got to labor and delivery I was feeling contractions. They still wanted to try and wait until Monday to deliver just to give him a couple more days to grow and mature. After they hooked me up to the baby monitor they realized his heart rate kept decelerating and then it would come back up. They put an oxygen mask on me and left the room to discuss options. Suddenly the baby's heart rate dropped and did not come back up. I was so scared. I was about to have my husband go get the nurse when about 8 or 10 people came running into my room and started whisking me off to deliver my baby. 

Derek Jerome was born at 3:41PM on Friday December 3rd, 2010. He weighed 1lb 11oz and was 13 1/4 inches long. He was breathing on his own but not very well so they put in a respirator. They tried to remove that on day 3 and he did good for awhile but he eventually had to put it back in for a couple of days. He needed 3 blood transfusions and a phototherapy light to help with jaundice. Today, day 10, Derek has gained 2 oz. So he is currently 1lb 13oz. He has a nasal cannula to help with his breathing. They put a PICC line in, which is a long term IV. He has been able to maintain his own body temperature and his blood pressure since birth. Although today he was running a little cool. They continue to increase the amount of my breast milk he is given per feeding. He is up to 9 mls every 3 hours. He has been tolerating feedings pretty well although, again, today he had a little bit of residual left after one of his feedings but the nurse did not seem concerned.  He no longer has the phototherapy light and looks pink and beautiful. 

The nurses tell me he gives them attitude when they have to mess with him.  Wonder where he gets that from?? He already has a little personality. He likes to have his arms above his head or to lay on his stomach. I am in awe of him and his will to live every day. 

I never in a million years thought I would have a preemie. I carried twins full term. I feel in a way betrayed by my body. On the other hand, somehow we made it long enough to give my little man a chance.  I am trying to recover from an emergency C-section which presents its own challenges. Those challenges have been made worse by the fact that my incision has come open. Tonight as I type my husband is visiting with Derek, who really responds to his daddy's voice. I am at home trying not to think about the fact that I am not there. I have a very low grade fever of 99.2 and felt it would be better not to expose Derek. I am sure I am fine but I would rather be safe than sorry. Emotionally this has been a roller-coaster and I have been told that we will have ups and down just like Derek will have good days and bad days. I get emotional about things like his belly button falling off and me not being there to see it.The hardest part is not being able to be with him every second. I also wish I could do more to take care of him.

The doctor that runs the NICU has been doing this for 25 years and is dedicated to these babies. The nurses are wonderful. They are incredibly knowledgeable. They are patient and kind and compassionate with us as parents and they are taking amazing care of my baby.  I also want to thank my doctor, Dr. Berman. Not only did he never give up on my baby even when things look bleakest but he also got Derek out in time. All in all my little Peanut, as he has been known since conception, has had a rough start but he is a fighter and he has angels on his shoulders. He is in the best place he can be right now but I am looking forward to the day I can bring him home. During the darkest days of this pregnancy I held an image in my head of my baby suckling peacefully while I hold him. I can't wait to make that image a reality.

If you are still with me, thanks for reading to the end of this first installment. Here are a few photos of Derek, including my favorite ultrasound photo. I will be updating this blog at least once a week if not more often so check back for updates.